38 yer olds are good kisserssss
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
