I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
