My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
