fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish i was in the wii world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
