i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i've created a new STD.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
