Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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