I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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