Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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