32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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