I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
