I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
