the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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