Need sex. Gaining weight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
