There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
