There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
