hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
