xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
