i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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