tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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