We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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