Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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