You just made me feel so damn special
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
