dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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