This is not my ceiling
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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