I need help removing her.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
