she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
