what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
