make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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