I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
