So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
