i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize