You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
