I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
