oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
