We're facebook friends in real life
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
