Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
