Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize