i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize