just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
