piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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