The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This is my gift to your gina
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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