No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
