I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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