dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
