You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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