RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
