good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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