May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
