Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize