thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
