sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
