I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize