Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
