what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
