Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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