you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
