Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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