i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
