Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
