god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
