The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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