it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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