No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
