you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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