No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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