I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
