i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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