Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
