masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
