Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
